


I Have Some Walls Up

by shimcko



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Cry with me, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, after keith's paladin vlog, which stole my heart and soul
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-09-22
Packaged: 2019-01-04 04:35:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12161640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shimcko/pseuds/shimcko
Summary: after keith's paladin vlog.





	I Have Some Walls Up

“I’m out of here! I said I wouldn’t cry!”

Keith’s strained voice ricochets throughout the small room as he storms off, his strides swift and determined.

Determined to make it back to his room in one piece, determined not to run into another paladin, and determined not to let himself fall apart. 

Because if he allowed himself to start crying, after all this time, he wasn’t sure if he’d ever stop. 

Keith keeps his head casted downward, tortured amethyst eyes locked onto his feet. His hands were clenched into fists at his sides, his thumb subconsciously beginning to slowly run back and forth over the side of his index –

No. That’s what _she_ would have done. 

So, he stops himself, shielding his face with his hand instead. 

Sucking in a deep breath, Keith removes his hand, and lifts his head just long enough to stare right at his door. Keith inches closer, every step becoming more anxious, more–

“Buddy? You okay?”

Keith stops in his tracks, not daring to look at the owner of the familiar voice. His teeth grit, and he shakes his head, as if to shake off the boy’s presence, too.

“Never been better.” Keith answers bluntly, bitterly, before walking into his room.

Keith doesn’t make it so far as his mattress. He sinks down against the smooth finish of the door, ripping off armor from his torso piece by piece, and tossing it all carelessly to the side. He’s left in the skin-tight black suit they wore beneath. Even material that thin felt like it was choking him.

He lets his head hit back against the door with a soft thud, squeezing his eyes shut.

_Deep breaths, Keith. You’ve done this so many times before. It’s only going to hurt more if you start crying about it - because crying does absolutely nothing for you._

Keith’s eyes snap open when he hears something on the other side of the wall. Another thud. Someone else was sitting outside.

Keith lets out a shaky sigh before he can bring himself to speak. At the moment, just breathing was becoming a mission in itself. It felt like two hands were pressing hard on his chest, the pressure only mercilessly increasing the more the thoughts inside his head swirled wildly around.

“Lance?” He calls, ignoring the way his voice cracks weakly.

Weak. Keith had spent so much time, so much time into proving that he was the farthest possible thing from that god forsaken word.

Guess all of that was going down the drain once the rest of the team got to see his video entry.

“Yeah, it’s me, man.”

There was something different in Lance’s voice, then, there wasn’t that underlying brightness in it, and there wasn’t any playfulness. He sounded serious, almost vulnerable. Or, as vulnerable as he could be without Keith even able to see him.

“Are you going to tell me what’s up? Or do I have to ask the mice, or something?” Lance asks, a soft hint of a chuckle at the end of his words, but it was devoid of any humor. A laugh leaning less towards something funny, and more towards defeat, of fighting a losing battle. Said battle being successful in getting Keith to talk to him.

“Talking is what got me all- wound up.” Keith spat, struggling far more than he should at finding the words to say to get through. But, then again, he was never too well at getting through to anyone, was he?

“Talking more is bound to make it worse. So, I’d rather just sit here, and be the loner you all take me to be, and ride this one out. Is that okay with you?” 

His walls were up again. Tall, fortified, impenetrable, encasing no one but him, and all of the pain raging inside his heart. 

_The only way to get the pain to subside was to keep any more from getting in._

Keith can hear Lance sigh, and can hear shuffling from his side of the door. Keith thinks he’s successful for a moment, successful in scaring yet another loved one away– until he hears Lance’s voice again. 

“If you don’t want to talk, can you just listen to me, then? Can I at least try to say something that’ll help?” Lance’s voice is kind, alluring, like it always was. 

But Keith was stubborn, with himself and with his feelings. He couldn’t give in.

“What would you say, Lance?” Keith snaps.

“You can’t say _anything_ that'll help, because you don’t get it." He begins curtly. "You don’t get having such a short-fused temper that only ticks off everyone around you. You don’t get having to stomach every night that you’re connected to the enemy that your sole purpose is to get rid of. You don’t get that terrible place, where you have no friends, no place that feels like home, and no mom!” Keith was screaming now, between his heavy, labored breathing. The rise and fall of his chest rapid, so much so that his head felt light, and every fiber of his being screamed for this all to just go away.

He was on his feet now, both of his hands slamming into the door. His fingers curl against it, and he hangs his head in defeat.

_Make it stop._

Keith’s eyebrows twitch downward, and his lower lip quivers.

_Please._

His breathing slows, just slightly. But the tears fall before he can even try to stop them.

_You’re not allowed to do this._

Keith lets out a whimper, and he hates that he can feel the exteriors of his walls crumbling away. 

“She didn’t want me. My own mom didn’t want me.” Keith chokes out, his teeth digging deep into his lower lip, trying to hold back the sobs that fought to be heard.

“And I can see why.” 

Keith leaves the two in silence after that, save for the soft sniffles and gasps for air on his side as he tries to get the tears to stop.

He isn’t sure how much time he spends standing there trying to collect himself. At some point, he isn’t even sure if Lance is still outside the door. It would be smart of him to leave, smart of him to leave Keith and all of his suffocating emotions.

Lance doesn’t say a word.

Lance simply presses his hand against the touch-screen button beside Keith’s door to open it. Keith loses his balance for a moment. There’s a horrified look in his eyes when he realizes that Lance can see him, looking like a disheveled mess.

But Lance’s face is like an empty canvas. Keith can’t see a trace of judgement, or a even a fraction of resentment or fear.

Lance simply closes the gap between them. He wraps his arms around Keith’s torso, and pulls him close to his chest. His grip was tight, as if he were to hold him too loosely, Keith would slip right through his fingers.

The walls. They were being chipped at again, but still standing.

“Lance! Get off of me!” Keith resists his touch, struggling and squirming against him. He keeps his gaze averted, his head frantically shaking. 

He wasn’t used to this, especially from Lance. Keith wasn’t used to physical comfort, hell, or any sort of comfort at all when it came to his insecurities.

“Lance- Lance,” Keith is pleading with Lance now, the streams running down his cheeks and collecting at his chin only growing heavier. 

Lance had knocked a wall down.

Keith’s struggling gradually comes to a stop, his body motionless, and his head lolling forward, onto Lance’s shoulder.

Slowly, but surely, his arms raise, until he can wrap them around Lance’s torso. Keith’s hands bunch large fistfuls of Lance’s jacket as he lets out a quivering breath.

“Keith.” Just the way Lance said his name hit him like a ton of bricks. How he managed to so effortlessly lace so much care and so much concern into that one syllable, Keith would never understand.

Another wall had collapsed.

“You know you’re allowed to break, right? It doesn’t say anywhere in the job description that we’ve got to be all tough twenty-four seven.” Lance talks slowly, gently, each and every word reserved for Keith’s ears and Keith’s ears only.

“I’m scared every day. I may keep it covered up pretty well, but come on, we’re being tracked by crazy aliens who want our behinds on a plaque on their wall.” He says with a laugh, and Keith just holds on to the blue paladin a little tighter.

“But, we get through. Every day. Together. Even though we all got our issues.” Lance’s head rests against the top of Keith’s, and he lets out a soft sigh.

“We’re all here for you. And, I know it isn’t easy, but, you just gotta let us in. If you need to cry, pick a shoulder, we’ve got plenty.” 

Keith freezes in Lance’s arms when he can feel his lips against the top of his head, through his thick locks of raven black hair.

That was one hell of a blow to the final wall he had sheltering his heart.

“But if you get snot on my jacket, you’re cleaning it.”

Keith pulls away after that, his hands raising to brush away the tears from his cheeks. 

“You ruined it.” Keith mumbles.

Lance lets out a laugh that was much more familiar, then, and that helps Keith be put at ease.

“Nope. Only making it better.” Lance answers with a warm smile. 

Keith wanted to say so many things to the selfless boy in front of him. He wanted to say a million vargas worth of ‘thank you’s, but even that wouldn’t be enough. He wanted to ask Lance why he cared so much, why he would go out of his way to calm him. 

And, somehow, Lance knew.

“You don’t have to say anything, ‘kay, buddy? Just… take some time to chill out. Last time I passed by the dining hall, Hunk was cooking up something that looked more promising than more food goo.” Lance slid his hands into his pockets and he walks backwards toward the door.

“Come and join us when you feel ready. We don’t even have to watch your vlog tonight.” 

Keith assumed Lance was going for some sort of suave exit, in which he cooly leaves his room as the doors slide open, and he heads out into the hallway with those big, blue eyes still locked onto his own.

But, it didn’t work out that way.

Lance walks back into the door carelessly instead, and he lets out a rather silly sounding noise when he does. With embarrassed laughter, he reaches blindly for the touch-screen beside the door, until he can feel it beneath his fingertips.

“I meant to do that.” 

Keith finds himself letting out a quiet laugh.

“Sure you did.” 

All of the wars raging inside of Keith’s mind didn’t vanish, but breathing came easier. He definitely needed the reminder Lance had given to him, that he wasn’t alone. That even if the person who should have wanted him more than anyone else in the world didn’t, he was surrounded by an amazing group of people who did.

They believed in him.  
Despite his temper, despite being part Galra, and despite the anger and confusion the mere thought of his mother would bring.

And, that was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> edit: what the cheese? thanks for 190+ kudos and 1.3k+ hits!!! <3
> 
> pretty much,  
> lance: keith? dya wanna build a snowman?
> 
> but yeah- his vlog destroyed me.
> 
> feedback and comments would be very appreciated!  
> thank you for reading. <3


End file.
